Vegas Moments: Roshambo

[Everyone is adding their bit to the story that follows. Once you've finished reading Part 1 here, you should check out Speaker for Part 2, and then Human Head and AlCantHang for other perspectives on the same event.]

Friday night was mixed game night at the MGM, sponsored by Joaquin. It was also the night that I scheduled dinner with my parents, and as a result I was a bit late getting over to the MGM. By the time I dragged my weary ass into the poker room, the waiting list for the mixed games was 20 people deep. Deciding that I was unlikely to be seated any time soon, I settled into the sports book with Human Head, his beautiful wife, Iggy, Joe Speaker, Daddy, and random other bloggerati.

Immediately, Iggy challenged me to a $10 roshambo match, still smarting from the repeated $5 losses he had sustained at my hand earlier in the day. The only match he was able to win was when I fell behind 1-0, threw rock to tie it up 1-1, threw rock for a push, and threw rock for a third time to his paper. That loss really stunned me.

"How did you know I was going to throw rock three times in a row?" I asked him. He never gave me an answer. [This is some subtle foreshadowing people. Take note.]

I made no such mistakes in the rematch at the MGM, dispatching Iggy in two throws. He paid his $10, declaring that I was some sort of roshambo guru, having lost $30 to me over the course of seven matches. When Mrs. Head challenged me to a $10 match, Iggy thought I was such a lock that he placed a $10 side bet with Speaker that I would win, only to lose again when Mrs. Head beat me 2-0 in three throws. Poor Iggy!

Feeling a bit antsy and deflated after such a solid drubbing, I headed back into the poker room. Seated in one of the 2-4 mixed games was none other than SoxLover. We chatted for a few minutes, during which I mentioned that Iggy had stepped up our roshambo matches to $10.

"At this rate," I said, "we'll be playing for $100 a throw by the end of the trip."

[Did you catch it? More foreshadowing!]

SoxLover was pretty intent on his poker and not-so-much interested in listening to me prattle on about roshambo. I continued my dazed wander around the poker room, moving off towards the far side of the room, where the NLHE games were spread. I found Donkeypuncher standing near a $5/$5 NLHE table at which HDouble was seated. He asked what I had been up to since our cab ride earlier in the day.

"Well," I said, "Iggy's into me for $30 playing roshambo."

A guy seated in the two-seat at HDouble's table looked up at me with a twinkle in his eye at the mention of the word 'roshambo'.

"I'll roshambo you for $30," he said.

Uhhhh, huh? Did some random dude just offer to roshambo me for $30?

I took a long look at him. He was pretty well-groomed, dressed in a crisp dark blue shirt that immediately suggested he had way more style than me (not hard). Something about him seemed mildly familiar, but I was sure I had never met him. Frankly, the idea of roshambo'ing a total stranger for $30 wasn't at all appealing to me. Blogger? Most definitely. Stranger? No thanks. Especially one who seemed far too eager to do it.

"That's ok," I said. "Thanks anyway." The stranger was not so easily dissuaded.

"I'll give you odds. $35 to your $30."

Bleh, persistent little bugger. I pondered the best way of getting rid of him, choosing to politely decline him for a second time.

"You won't take 35 to 30 odds?" he asked, a bit flabbergasted. "Wow. I don't even know you, and I'm embarassed for you."

Damn. Who in the hell did this guy think he was? I knew it was in my best interest to ignore what was an obvious attempt to tilt me into roshambo'ing some random stranger (who was turning out to be exceedingly annoying) for $30, but before I could turn back to my conversation with Donkeypuncher, the stranger stood up.

God, was he tall! Certainly not a "little" bugger at all.

"I need a softer target," he muttered. Spotting Wil across the room, he shouted his challenge. "Roshambo? I'll give you $110 to your $100."

Wil stood up and shouted back, "Not a chance. I know when I'm beat."

Disgruntled, the stranger slouched back into his seat and turned his attention back to his card game. I found the whole exchange rather peculiar, but chalked it up to Vegas. Donkeypuncher and I headed into the sports book for a drink, meeting back up with a gaggle of people who were getting wasted there, including one Dr. Pauly.

"Phil Gordon just offered to roshambo F-Train," Donkeypuncher said to the group as we arrived. "But F-Train turned him down."

Phil... Gordon...? Really? Is that who that was?

Pauly looked at me like I was nuts. "You turned down a roshambo challenge from Phil Gordon?"

Quick, think of something witty to say.

"He would have owned me. He's Phil Gordon!"

Smoooooooooooth.

"Yeah, but think of the story you would have had!"

Busted.

...and for the rest of this story, the exciting part of the story, the well-written part of the story, the part of the story where all the foreshadowing comes home to roost, check out Joe Speaker's site.